Journal Entry

Journal entry

This am was cold rainy and icy so I left later to bring a friend to work. I did a few lyft rides after. I was able to write 1200 words for a book I’m working on. After taking a break I lost the motivation and couldn’t refocus. I finally got batteries for my recorder. I took my friend back home from work.

I went to the Walmart near her and successfully got 2 family size boxes of cereal I’d been searching for, for about 2.5 weeks. I picked up some avocados, limes and other ingredients for guacamole. I stopped by aldi and got more ingredients for tacos and finished gathering the other ingredients at food lion. I got home and placed everything down. I came in my room to text my friend I made it home and share a pic of the cereal since she knew I’d been on a quest for it and my phone froze.

Then the screen went black. I was in disbelief. I tossed it on the bed and began to get settled in. I grabbed the charger cord and plugged my phone up and decided to shower and eat. 3 hours later, my phone still wasn’t working. I have not freaked out or panicked. I did however realize the charger wasn’t plugged into the wall and I got so tickled laughing at myself. I plugged my charger into the wall, and left it alone again.

I began to think of what it means though, to be without my phone. I realize how much of what I do is connected to the phone. Primarily the lyft app. I need my phone in order to do rides. Well, for now, I will be productive in other ways I’ve been avoiding or distracted from because of my phone. This could very well be god, spirit getting my attention.

I pulled out my bible and read psalms 4. Praying. Often times when I’ve prayed it was for my situation to change. Like now would be one of those times I’d be like ok god, you know I need my phone now, please make it work. That is not necessarily the purpose of prayer. There is a saying that says prayer changes things. Does it really?

While I know it can seem like a situation is changed in the blink of an eye, I’ve learned prayer changes us. Well, it has changed me. I’ve experienced different situations and some have been similar. People call it being tested. They keep getting the same tests over and over. I was not the same version of myself in every situation though. As each situation resurfaced, I started to notice because I was paying attention that I was being tested. Each time my grade kept improving. My awareness was my studying. Psalms 4:4 tells me to feel my feelings but don’t let my emotions control me and cause me to do something I will regret. Go inward and be still.

One of the moments for change I missed was when I was in the Verizon store and the store associate asked me if I wanted to change my phone number or keep the same one. I remember I was already shaking my head no when I heard her say, “do you…” and she continued asking her question. I was so upset about my phone not working and having to get a new one my only focus was on being grateful I was getting a new one. I missed an opportunity for change. Change is a necessary part of growth. I have seen how in this season of life, people that were very close to me and we shared intimate bonds have been removed from my life in various ways. Knowing that and continuing to look at how things are changing and happening in my life, I had an opportunity for another level of disconnection.

Sometimes we have moments in life where we need to deny people access to us…convenient access to us. It’s easy to make a call or send a text. I’ve heard many stories of more known (famous) people that share stories saying when they get fame, status, money, whatever the higher level is, that people they haven’t heard from in months or years, start calling and texting. Knowing that, we also have to know when we go through situations and no one is there for us as we may have been for another, it’s easy to make a call or send a text.